RANDOM MUSINGS

What is the reason for child marriage? It seems post puberty marriage requires atonement by donating one cow for each monthly cycle a woman passes through till marriage . This looks like an after thought/personal belief of some old man who knew Sanskrit and had the ability to introduce it in a convincing portion of some ancient manuscript. If this were to be implemented today, then we would have to look at donating an Aarey Milk Colony (Government of Maharashtra’s diary) or Mahanand ( a cooperative diary) on a regular basis.

This seems too much. No one needs this many cows. So we would use the modern alternative to Go Daan (donation of cow). Get a UP chap living in the vicinity to bring his cow, hold the tail of the cow and stroke it three times and then give a coconut along with betel leaf and supari to the UP chap along with some money. Since a diary has to be given, get three cows and multiply the money in an equivalent manner.

K hails from Tamil Nadu and has maintained his roots in spite of working all over India . He can add mirch masala to any event and describe it in a witty and arresting manner. He was describing how in olden times the “fitness” of the bride and groom for any marriage is ascertained. Most inhabitants of villages use the nearby river or tank for taking bath. The groom undergoes a close, but discreet visual inspection (especially during Aviniavittam- annual festival relating to our Poonal- sacred thread) to ensure that he meets with the essential “requirements” of a martial contract.

The bride inspection is a more tricky affair. They have no Avini Avittam (women do not wear sacred thread) and any way river/tank inspection by outsiders may not be feasible or practical. So at the time of marriage, the groom’s sister has been given the responsibility to assist in wearing the formal sari. This is an occasion for inspection and ‘quality check”. The sister comes out and gives a discreet approval to whom – that I do not know. I cannot imagine that any groom will hover in tension at that juncture for any high sign from sister. Perhaps, the groom in those times has to follow the orders. The high sign could be to parents or some busy body who had undergone such an experience.

This seems to be an earthy and robust way of ascertaining fitness of persons who have little or no idea about each other. If it is extended to today, it would be extension of pulling the hair experience which I had described in another blog.

Religion along with education is big business today. Some of them are quite good at what they aim and achieve. One of them is Swami Udit Chaitanya. He propounds an interesting concept. It runs somewhat like this. God is within each human being. The soul residing within each body is what distinguishes a live person and a corpse. It should be our endeavour to enhance the soul’s quality in all ways (Ambassador car to at least Benz if not Porsche or Bently). The words he uses is elevate the mind to a higher plane where the earthly concerns do not sway the mind ( children’s education, annual bonus, birthday present for spouse, boss’s goodwill or lack of it) . We should slowly insulate our mind from these concerns and focus on the divinity residing within us.

The more interesting concept he propounds is that God is not going assist in solving the problem you lay before Him. If you are made to stand in one place (in lieu of God) for three hours and listen to all the problems of the earthly beings passing in front of you, at some stage you would give up if you have to retain sanity. (Doctors are taught not to get emotionally involved with the sufferings of their patients). Similarly God would not ensure that your child would pass IIT entrance and get admission. The child has to strive for it. Your prayers would assist you in becoming a better human being so as to assist the child in reaching this goal.

I find this a frightening concept as it seems to indicate that I am responsible for solving my problems and God (like the Chairman of the Company I serve) can only smile at you from a distance and wave hand (if He feels like it). Why do thousands of devotees stand in line at Siddhi Vinayak Temple (a very popular temple in Mumbai and a must for each tourist) each Tuesday, if similar results can be achieved during a less crowded day? I remember my brother dragging me to this temple on Tuesdays when we were kids and the temple was much smaller and far less crowded. He used to make me remove the foot wear and keep it at a distance from the temple and stand on hot floor in the afternoon. I used to chide him that we won’t get more punya for getting our soles burnt. Perhaps I was tuned to right philosophy from my child hood.
I end this blog with a joke I read and enjoyed.
Funniest Divorce Letter ever
Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut,had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Assam together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But then I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

RANDOM MUSINGS

What is the reason for child marriage? It seems post puberty marriage requires atonement by donating one cow for each monthly cycle a woman passes through till marriage . This looks like an after thought/personal belief of some old man who knew Sanskrit and had the ability to introduce it in a convincing portion of some ancient manuscript. If this were to be implemented today, then we would have to look at donating an Aarey Milk Colony (Government of Maharashtra’s diary) or Mahanand ( a cooperative diary) on a regular basis.

This seems too much. No one needs this many cows. So we would use the modern alternative to Go Daan (donation of cow). Get a UP chap living in the vicinity to bring his cow, hold the tail of the cow and stroke it three times and then give a coconut along with betel leaf and supari to the UP chap along with some money. Since a diary has to be given, get three cows and multiply the money in an equivalent manner.

K hails from Tamil Nadu and has maintained his roots in spite of working all over India . He can add mirch masala to any event and describe it in a witty and arresting manner. He was describing how in olden times the “fitness” of the bride and groom for any marriage is ascertained. Most inhabitants of villages use the nearby river or tank for taking bath. The groom undergoes a close, but discreet visual inspection (especially during Aviniavittam- annual festival relating to our Poonal- sacred thread) to ensure that he meets with the essential “requirements” of a martial contract.

The bride inspection is a more tricky affair. They have no Avini Avittam (women do not wear sacred thread) and any way river/tank inspection by outsiders may not be feasible or practical. So at the time of marriage, the groom’s sister has been given the responsibility to assist in wearing the formal sari. This is an occasion for inspection and ‘quality check”. The sister comes out and gives a discreet approval to whom – that I do not know. I cannot imagine that any groom will hover in tension at that juncture for any high sign from sister. Perhaps, the groom in those times has to follow the orders. The high sign could be to parents or some busy body who had undergone such an experience.

This seems to be an earthy and robust way of ascertaining fitness of persons who have little or no idea about each other. If it is extended to today, it would be extension of pulling the hair experience which I had described in another blog.

Religion along with education is big business today. Some of them are quite good at what they aim and achieve. One of them is Swami Udit Chaitanya. He propounds an interesting concept. It runs somewhat like this. God is within each human being. The soul residing within each body is what distinguishes a live person and a corpse. It should be our endeavour to enhance the soul’s quality in all ways (Ambassador car to at least Benz if not Porsche or Bently). The words he uses is elevate the mind to a higher plane where the earthly concerns do not sway the mind ( children’s education, annual bonus, birthday present for spouse, boss’s goodwill or lack of it) . We should slowly insulate our mind from these concerns and focus on the divinity residing within us.

The more interesting concept he propounds is that God is not going assist in solving the problem you lay before Him. If you are made to stand in one place (in lieu of God) for three hours and listen to all the problems of the earthly beings passing in front of you, at some stage you would give up if you have to retain sanity. (Doctors are taught not to get emotionally involved with the sufferings of their patients). Similarly God would not ensure that your child would pass IIT entrance and get admission. The child has to strive for it. Your prayers would assist you in becoming a better human being so as to assist the child in reaching this goal.

I find this a frightening concept as it seems to indicate that I am responsible for solving my problems and God (like the Chairman of the Company I serve) can only smile at you from a distance and wave hand (if He feels like it). Why do thousands of devotees stand in line at Siddhi Vinayak Temple (a very popular temple in Mumbai and a must for each tourist) each Tuesday, if similar results can be achieved during a less crowded day? I remember my brother dragging me to this temple on Tuesdays when we were kids and the temple was much smaller and far less crowded. He used to make me remove the foot wear and keep it at a distance from the temple and stand on hot floor in the afternoon. I used to chide him that we won’t get more punya for getting our soles burnt. Perhaps I was tuned to right philosophy from my child hood.
I end this blog with a joke I read and enjoyed.
Funniest Divorce Letter ever
Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut,had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Assam together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But then I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

2010- The year thereafter.

If I ask your impressions of 2005 or 2007 you will recall one or two major changes which occurred in your life in that year. It is as though the rest of the year has passed by in a blur. Is our life is so uneventful that it is difficult to highlight few instances of rejoicing and disappointments? Well, my belief is that human brain has its own “Record Retention Policy” which transfers most items to trash for deletion after 30 days.

What happened this year to my life? Well, Priya walked into our life thru an innocuous e mail in the middle of March 2010. Her father sent her horoscope for matching with that of my son Anand. God has His own version of Marriage Game where He decides on which horoscopes would match with each other. One Saturday evening Anand went and met Priya at a Coffee Shop and spent three hours together. The modern day Coffee Shop owners run their shops by remote control. So the owners did not observe that in three hours only two coffees were drunk in those three hours. They got engaged in August and the marriage took place on Nov. 8th.

Priya is the latest addition to our growing family, the last entrant being Shivam (who came into this world and our family over three years back at night 1.30 with a happy smile and a promise of many mischief –planned and unplanned). Priya has an easy smile, ablity to engage any one in conversation and to hold on her own in any company or crowd. She does not let on that she has left whatever she is familiar with during the last quarter century of existence in this world and bravely walked into a new environment. I look back to what my daughter went thru few years back when she got married and shifted over 1500 kms away and understand the effort and courage required to begin this new phase of life. How does one say welcome to such a new member of the family? We say it with our hearts and gestures which remain indelible for all of us.

Shivam started formal schooling from June 2010. It is a surprise to us that he remains stationary at one place for any length of time His teacher said he exasperated them in the early days, but now he is a leading student in that class. He is 3 years old. The schooling is not of a formal sense of reading and writing. It is from 9 to 3.30 and keeps them engaged by all sorts of interesting activity- singing, dancing, drawing, rhymes, storytelling, and group interaction. I believe that the group dynamics arising out of 20 or 30 children of same age playing together helps in their emotional and intellectual growth. I wish I could be a fly on the wall observing what he does for six hours away from the family. Devi and Kannan have put in practice what is the known wisdom for bringing up children. It is reflected in what my nephew Anand described fearless nature in Shivam.

Anand – my son- and I had changed our jobs within a month of each other. Along with the job, he had changed the profile radically. He was starting afresh in a line for which he had great qualifications and no experience. I joined a large company forming part of a very larger group.

I would leave Anand to tell his own story when he can and wants to. He went thru a painful transition and process of self realization. He rarely let thru his pain come through the firewalls he had built around him. Whenever little he displayed made me feel helpless. As a professional, I realized that this is part of growing up process. As a father, I felt helpless and wished he were a small kid whom I could alleviate the pain in some way. The tide turned and now he has role which could exploit his skills suitably.

My experience reminded me of a familiar joke. Referring to a difficult experience, one person tells another, the first six months are difficult. Then what happens asks the other person. The reply is that thereafter you get used to it. Having switched jobs several times in my thirty five year working life, there are few illusions left about human beings or organizations. Jobs are like arranged marriages. Go with little expectations, you won’t be disappointed. But then, human beings have infinite capacity to surprise and continue to do so. As the Chinese curse goes “May you live in interesting times” seems to be appropriate.

Indians have converted marriage arrangements into a complex process which makes even arranging a Manipuri dance of a herd of elephants look simple. There are lots of steps – each of which can be minor or major- depending upon view point of the individual. The bride and groom are expected to stare at each other with moony looks or giggle or laugh sitting in a corner while elders negotiate various issues – the way US Government would have negotiated Obama’s India visit. Women love all this while men wonder helplessly whether their job is only to open the purse strings.

Marriage deserves a separate blog. Anand being the tallest and 29 year old last baby of the family of my brother and I, his marriage was eagerly looked forward. The marriages of his brother and two sisters had taken place during the preceding eight years. So the entire elephant dance (each being a different variation) was not unknown. Hence the enjoyment was with knowledge and expectation. The marriage was a huge affair with large attendance, good fun and lasting memories.
The year end brings with it several birthdays and, marriage anniversaries. Birthdays are reminders of the life lived so far and as we grow older a gentle reminder that if there is a beginning, then there is finish line also. For employed persons like me, another not so gentle reminder is the swiftly approaching retirement age, when our earning capacity drops like a cow which ceases to produce milk.

I wonder what would I do post retirement? My ego tells me that my infinite experience and wisdom would have great or at least some value. My brain sardonically says that I should seriously look at learning Upanishads, religious books and concentrate on elevating my mind to higher plane. I wonder, whether I could tell my boss that the mistakes (“big goof up” as he not so kindly put it) I am responsible for are due to my efforts in elevating my mind rather than focus on such prosaic things. Being a much younger individual, he may pull out my personal file and make unsuitable comments. So I am refraining from even thinking in this direction during office hours.

I took lot of photos of flowers growing in our terrace. I know they are impressive (as they have to be). My son suggests that I put it on my face book site for display to a wider audience. I will do it one of these days.

Padma and I have entered into our 33rd year of married bliss. We started our life together when the world had recognized our adult status only from a physical sense (I had mustache). We had not even smiled at each other (forget about mooning or giggling) or conversed. We held hands for the first time, when the priest ordered us to do so. (hold it gently was the admonition and not let all the yearning for a female company go into the gesture), talked for the first time in tonga going to the Kasi Vishwanatha Temple, Benares (where we got married), held each other in our arms on the Shanti Muhurtam occasion (first night for ignorant ) and in these three decades tried to retain romance despite many odds.

During visits to several houses for marriage invitation, what was striking was the love that I witnessed between couples well into their 70s and 80s. Marriage of half a decade or thereabouts had not dulled the relationship. One of them held hands and when they sat together their love and mutual dependence was very evident. None of them had easy lives. Love has nothing to do with youth or age. It is a state of mind for individuals who matter a lot of to you.

What does the rest of the year and 2011 hold for us? God may be busy drawing up the list for next year for all of us (this year’s was drawn and issued in unreadable ink on Dec. 31, 2009).

What do I want for 2011? Well just survive and withstand what is in store for us- both the best and not so best and good. Learn new things and thoughts which have evaded us so long. Elevate the mind as Swami Udit Chaitanya reminds us tirelessly in Asianet and Surya TV every morning. Read new books which leave a lasting impression. Watch some of the DVDs we have purchased.

When we would learn to enjoy small pleasures of life? A beautiful sunrise, a flower in full bloom, a child joyously exploring the world for the first time, an interesting story well told, a beautifully written autobiography, a well made movie, or reading a book like Gone with the Wind or The Bourne Identity for the first time. I plan to do all this in the coming year and the years thereafter.