Career Obsession

Do we need to be obsessed about our career or do we just need to ensure that we have a job and do it well? Isn’t a good job synonymous with a successful career?

When we started out in the employment field in India thirty years back, job was a luxury and career a word in dictionary. Better qualifications got you a better job- a more secure job. The first thing that was mentioned on getting a job was that xxx has got a secure job. Today’s generation would be puzzled by this obsession, as job insecurity ( for a skilled and young individual in India ) is not on the horizon.

When does job translate into career? I believe that gaining expertise and higher responsibilities in one’s chosen area or allied area of expertise on a continuous basis would translate a job into career. Doing a function mechanically needing limited application of mind would perhaps indicate that stagnation has begun. Another indication would be when your immediate Superior’s job seems attractive, easy to do and more importantly having self confidence to do it well.

Do we need to be obsessed with career? In other words, is career different from our employment with the present organisation? In today’s circumstances career obsession seems to be a pre requisite for success. In today’s changing times, every organisation demands skills and talents relevant to today and not yesterday or day before. We are as good as our last victory (like our cricket team). If we do not measure up to the tomorrow’s need, then in comes a rank outsider who is seen to have those skills. Yesterday’s heroes or heroines are now to follow the new leader or well …. look elsewhere.

In such a situation what does an individual do? I believe that he or she has to continually upgrade their skills so as to be relevant to today and tomorrow. Age has nothing to do with it. It would be incorrect to say that “I am too old to learn new tricks. In my time we used to………”. These kind or dialogues would draw embarrassed silence only.

Is not the organisation responsible too? Does it have to be obsessed with its own success and survival and not care for the people who were responsible for this? Yes, it also has its responsibilities. It has to nurture and grow people who lack the obvious skills, but with some assistance could be re-deployed suitably and prove to be assets in changed circumstances also. This requires visionary skills at upper and middle levels of management and listening ability. Also the appraisal system should be have a core of honesty which has creditability within the organisation and which would inform the correct situation so far as the individual is concerned.

Well, what would you say to your young cousin who has started to examine new openings within a month of taking up a new assignment? I would say focus on career, upgrading of skills, higher levels of responsibilities, exposure to new areas and opportunities for a larger contribution to the organisation would be the key to the decision.

What do you feel? I would love to get responses to the above views- especially from the younger generation.

Working Women and Parenting

My mother was a homemaker (to use a modern terminology). I do not recall a time in my childhood when Ireturned to an empty home and made my own snacks or lunch/dinner. I grew up taking for granted that mothers are always at home to receive their children. The outside reality slowly sunk in and I realized that women who went to work also were mothers whose children bid them good bye each morning and waited for them to come back to relate the days adventures.

I recall one blog written by a TV Newsreader which is particularly fascinating. This is two years old blog, but timeless in terms of contents and I am giving below a link to it.

http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/suhasinihaidar/218/1034/the-mommy-mahabharata.html

The comments in response mostly from women are equally interesting. They are worth reading.

In today’s context when female education is emphasized and they are equal or should be equal to male in terms of opportunities and abilities , it is not fair or correct to tell a woman that her main job is to be a “homemaker” rather than fulfill her personal and professional aspirations. At the same time, children in the early and formative years require close attention from at least one of the parent. This need not be on a 24/7 basis, but ideally should cover a significant portion of the children’s waking hours and their time spent in the house. As the children grow up, the degree and span of attention could vary and reduce.

I am seeing in some cases grand parents being substitute parents. Some grand parents are frequent flyers to gulf and USA to care the grand children. I always wonder whether the parents bond well with children brought up by others? Do grand parents have the same energy they had as parents? Is’nt it a a bit tiresome for grandparents to do once more what they had done over three decades back? Would they not be looking thru the prism of values and mores which may not be relevant three decades later when the children become adults?

“Quality time” seems to cover the nature of attention needed, but at the same time indicates cliché or an overused word. I tried to imagine myself to be a parent with two children of varying ages between 5 and 10, tending to them after a full day at office and traveling for nearly 3 hours a day. Besides this there would be domestic chores to attend. How much energy would a person have – whether the parent is a mother or father- is hard to estimate? Would they tell stories from Ramayana or Mahabharata or read Tintin comics before the children go to sleep? How much of their day at school would interest them? I realized that I would do much less than what a working parent does today.

Perhaps the issue is not working vs non working mothers. The real issue could be how much of a bonding exists between the children and parents. I have seen fathers substituting for mothers who are sometimes more busy due to the nature of their jobs.

Children need and demand attention. Some times the attention they seek disturb others who see some distortion in relationship without identifying what could be the cause. Whenever I see such distortion, I wonder what would they grow up to be as adults. Do children of working parents demand more attention and carry some level of unfulfilled emotional needs? I don’t know. But I have certainly seen some children seeking more than needed attention.

The bottom line could be that when we bring another human being into this world, as parents we have a responsibility and duty to ensure that the child grows up to be a good human being and be able to contribute to the society in a positive manner. So when our children become adults, we should be perhaps be able meet this standard, at least in our own hearts.

On writing blogs.

I love to write. So I post blogs. Ego whispers to me that I write well- in fact very well-; brain sardonically questions that and goes to sleep. The reality is that what remains in the memory of the reader a few months after he or she has read the blog is a well written blog. Rest of it is well -“love’s labor lost”.

Anand – my nephew- told me that he would love to post a few blogs, but is afraid that it could become addictive. He is partly right. The real difficulty in posting a reasonably interesting blog is identifying an interesting general purpose topic and getting adequate information and anecdotes to decorate it well. The readers – a majority of them- would belong to younger generation as they are more ‘tech savvy’. However for a 50 plus person like me; the peers I may be addressing to would be of equivalent age with varying interest and ablity in accessing net or blogs.

So what do I do? I send my link to all my g mail relatives. Most of them correspnd with me for their children’s marriage. They have become familiar with net thru Tamil Matrimony .com kind of site. Our community has survived so far by being adaptable to changing times. So even grand mothers belonging to 19th century thinking ( are you aware that electric rice cookers do not conform to true religious customs as the electronic parts cannote be opened and washed with water- ) and born in 20th century are aware on the possibility of internet and its ability to pass off an otherwise “slow moving product” in an uncertain matrimonial market.

So how do I address this audience who stand at the edge of my market for possible readers? The simplest is catch hold of an admirer/well wisher who has in a weak moment appreciated my ravings on the web and push a print out of all the recent blogs for them to read. The more important purpose is that they should discreetly or even aggresively compel other helpless close relatives to read it and convey appreciation. The circle gets completed when some relatives and acquaintances convey appreciation.

At a more serious level, I could understand my limitations when Padma suggested a few topics I could write on. We can communicate well on topics we are personally familiar with. But on other topics of general interest (where any one could give some view or other) our views have to be supported by some interesting facts, figure, experiences- first hand or hearsay- to make it readabale. For example on a subject like education, good governance by Government, corruption and so on, every one would have a view. But few would read or hear such views unless it is made interesting by giving a unique view point or situation.

Writing is an act of creation emerging from an indivdual’s mind- that is creating something out of nothing. Any great act of creation gets a reward totally disproportonate with its intrisnic value. One classic example that I am able to relate to is painting. The actual cost of canvas, paint and human labor may be minimal in monetary terms. But the reward- in monetary and non monetary terms- that a great painting gets is many times the multiple of its intrisnic value. So the satisfaction that such a creator would get would also be many times the multiple of the efforts he has put in.

So where do I go from here in the blogosphere? Follow my ego or brain? I think ego would lead in the front. Once in a while I will look back at the brain for confirmation. If the brain is sleeping I will ignore it. If it is awake, I will casually seek its views.

At this stage Shivam’s – my grandson- image comes in front of me. Whenever he tries to imitate or do what is impossible for him to do- he looks at his mother or father for appreciation/cofirmation. There is a beautiful smile, tinged with some doubt, on his face. The child seeks approval from parent because his entire world comprises of his mother and father only. For an adult (whose parents have gone in search of another and perhaps a better world), the approval has to come from the world he resides in. So somewhere in the heart there is child residing within the man in me.

Test of Endurance

I did a google search for “test of endurance”. I found that the results related to physical rather than mental endurance.

I did this to test my theory that marriage is the highest test of mental endurance. Two persons with varying knowledge of each other are tied by a knot made by the society. The race is to live with, if not like, each other for rest of their lives or at least for the portion they have lived together. God has given up long back and now does not keep track. Nobody else knows the results of this race.

I remember reading a book about an island in Pacific ocean where the woman has the full liberty to chose and discard her mate. The choice takes place at a festival where this right is formally exercised by the woman. Discarding takes place by the simple and effective medium of the woman keeping the shoes and dress of the male partner outside the hut. Many women would be cheering if they could adopt such a practice effectively. The man comes home one evening and finds his hawai slipper outside the door (double door in Mumbai) along with his torn inner wear in a Big Bazar Shopping bag. The race or at least this race would end at this juncture. Perhaps both have to begin a new race.

This would seem to be an irreverent way of looking at a rather permanent relationship. But at heart the question still remains how the basic human instinct for seeking novelty and excitement is restrained by the mores and practices of the society all of us live in. To call most marriages a test of endurance may seem to be unacceptable on the face of it. But is there not a germ of truth in it?

Read the following vows we make during a Hindu marriage.

“With God as guide, let us take the first step to nourish each other,
The second step to grow together in strength,
The third step to preserve our wealth,
The fourth step to share our joys and sorrows,
The fifth step to care for our children,
The sixth step to be together forever,
The seventh step to remain lifelong friends, perfect halves to make perfect whole”
(Manusmriti)

This is a loose translation of Saptapadi –seven steps taken together by the couple- at the time of Hindu marriage. There are several versions I have read. All of them indicate very poignant, simple and timeless vows which signify the beginning of a beautiful and long term relationship. Looked at in another way, it also means that we need to take a vow to observe this in letter and spirit. It does not evolve automatically in such a relationship. This was known and recognized several thousand years back.

How has this evolved over the years? Has education and awareness changed it? In other words, do a “IT” couple (husband and wife are IT professionals who have lived abroad for some length of time) have a significantly different expectation as compared to a home grown public sector couple or a single male member earning family? I am not sure. What little I have seen indicate that like the vows described above, the troubles are also timeless. The environment changes, human beings don’t change or change only under compulsion.

Why should it be a test or an endurance? It is a test because human relationship is dynamic. Men and women have different emotional and physical needs. The hopes and expectation at different times of life vary and it takes lots of time, sensitivity and a deep instinct to realize it. All this requires patience and at times ability to withstand great emotional strain. Every married couple would recall several such occasions.

What is the fruit at the end of this test? I recall a photograph appearing in Hindu newspaper of a really aged couple going for a morning walk holding their hands –with love and support. I felt it captured a beautiful moment. I found this photo beautifully cut and displayed in a prominent place in Mr. & Mrs. K’s house. My appreciation of this photo lighted up Mr.K’s face. Mrs. K did not find any beauty in the photo. She saw only two old people in it walking with difficulty. Mr and Mrs. K, a caring couple, were married at least for over thirty five years and still the same image conveyed different message to them.

To me, human relationships represent a fascinating aspect of life. Of these, the man-woman relationship is the most interesting.

Next time you see a teenaged boy and girl in the full bloom of romance, cooing and blushing, try to imagine them thirty or forty years hence holding hands and walking. If the image clicks in your brain, then there is something in that relationship, if not well…, there are other alternates.

Let me end this with the following quote for the teenaged boy and girl described above.

“Unite O Lord, this couple like a pair of lovebirds. May they be surrounded by children living both long and happy.”
Atharva Veda Samhita 14. 2.64.